Thinking

Don't Take Life So Seriously

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Life is as serious as you make it. Notice that none of us are getting out of here alive anyway. 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t make conscientious choices that feel good and right to you. I am saying that if you don’t lighten up a little you’ll end up living a serious life where you’re not enjoying much.

Your entire life happens because of  you’re thinking. Without the thoughts that continuously bubble up in your mind you would not experience life at all. You simply must have a thought about yourself, someone else, or a circumstance in the world in order to have a feeling about it. Notice this in your own life.

If a friend says something to you one day, it might upset you. If they say the same thing another day, it might not upset you at all. Your thinking happens so fast you don’t even realize it’s happening. Your feelings will stick around however and that’s how you know what you’ve been thinking. If you notice you’re feeling crappy, that’s how you know you had a thought that brought a crappy feeling. If you’re feeling good, that’s how you know you had a thought that brought a good feeling. 

Two people could be at a baseball game side by side watching the same things unfold in front of them. Yet one person might be having a great time and the other might be irritated. It’s not the game itself that’s causing any of it. It’s your thinking about what you’re watching that creates the feelings you feel. You can feel great one moment because of what you’re thinking, then feel like ugh! the next, because of what you’re thinking. 

The beauty of your innate design is you don’t have to do anything when you feel good or feel bad because of what you’re thinking. Just know new thoughts will come up and the old ones will pass on by. This is what naturally happens. You’ll feel one way, then another (because of your thoughts), all throughout your day.

So how do you not take life so seriously? By realizing that you believe your thoughts to be true with a capital T. They are just thoughts you are having about life moment to moment. If they are serious thoughts, they’ll make life seem serious.  All thoughts come and go. All feelings come and go. You don’t have to do anything at all. That’s your (my, our) inherent design. They wash in and wash out like the waves on a beach. You simply can’t stop that from happening even if you wanted to. 

If you don’t analyze them, decide if they are right or wrong, try to change them, or focus on them, they will come and go like the weather. Notice how much of your daily thoughts already do that. 

Don’t take your thinking so seriously. It’s going to change moment to moment anyway. You might feel one way this minute and another way 10 minutes from now. Actually, it’s highly likely. How can you possibly take an ever changing process too seriously? 

Remember, none of us is getting out of here alive. 

~ Susan

Do you feel stuck or confused about what you want your next step in life to be? I've got something to help. Grab 4 Surprisingly Natural Steps to Discover Your True Desires to get clear on your own answers for that question.


Look For What's Working

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Our minds are incredibly powerful. Think about how one crappy thing happens at the start of our day and that one crappy thing can color how the rest of our day goes. Or the opposite. Say your day starts off with someone complimenting you. That can color your day in a totally different way.

This is why I always tell my clients that you have to rewire your brain to focus on what’s good in your life if you want to have a life that feels good. 

Think about a hiking trail. If it’s used a lot that path is clear. If it’s not used, weeds, bushes, and grasses grow over the path and it’s not easily passable.

That’s how the neural pathways in your brain work. The one’s that are already used frequently keep getting used because the path is clear. The ones that aren’t used very often are mucked up with weeds so that path isn’t clear.

When you focus on what’s good in and what’s working for your life that’s the clear pathway your brain will follow and where your focus will go. When you focus on what’s not good or isn’t working, that’s the clear pathway your brain will follow and where your focus will go. 

Basically you want the “what’s good in your life” path to be clear of weeds and the “what’s not so good in your life” path to be full of weeds.

In other words focus on what you do want and stop focusing on what you don’t want. 

This is so so challenging. Your brains use the most energy of everything in your body, so your brain likes to be efficient and not waste energy. If it’s used to focusing on what’s not going well it has become very efficient at that and will keep using that path. It’s free of weeds.

If however you start to change you’re focus to what’s good and working in your life, that’s not as efficient for your brain because that pathway is full of weeds and it’s takes more time and energy to clear away those weeds and make that path clear.

That is why change is so hard. It is literally harder for your brain to clear away the weeds and make a different path. It takes more energy.

It’s not impossible however and worth the effort. 

Because the people who are most happy/fulfilled in life have trained their brains to use the path that focuses on what’s good and working. That path is clear and since it is, it’s efficient, and boy does that make the brain happy to walk, stroll, or race down clear pathways.

This is where your free will and choice come in. You choose which pathway you want to create in your brain every day. Just know, since your brain wants to be efficient, it will continue to use the clearest path that’s already there. If that path is full of the “what’s wrong with and not working in your life” thoughts, that’s the path it will continue to take. Every single time.

You must slowly and deliberately choose which path you want your brain to take. You’ve got to clear the weeds to create a new path. 

That path is either the clear one of gratitude or it’s the clear one of blech.

You can start right now.

It’s your life. What path do you want to be most clear in your brain?

Please share if you know just the perfect person who needs this.

~ Susan

Do you feel stuck and confused about what you want your next step in life to be? I've got something to help. Grab 4 Surprisingly Natural Steps to Discover Your True Desires to get clear on your own answers for that question. 

Image by Pixabay, with permission.

 

Do You Have A Hard Time Making Decisions?

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Do you know what can stop people from making decisions? 

Fear.

Fear of making the wrong choice. 

Fear of having regrets.

That can keep any sane person from choosing a direction. 

The people that have the most enjoyable and fulfilling lives, said to themselves, you know what, this scares the hell out of me. What if I spend this $10,000 on this new business venture and it fails?

What if I choose to move 5000 miles away to be with a person I’m in love with and it doesn’t work out?

What if I join a new group and I don’t like anyone and end up being bored out of my mind?

This fear is just your mind trying to keep you safe, keep you out of harms way.

That’s one of its jobs.

To keep you breathing, heart beating, cells moving, away from any danger.

And here’s a fun fact about your brain. It doesn’t know the difference between a real fear and a perceived one. What?

Let me repeat that. Your brain does not know the difference between an actual real in reality threat and one you think up in your mind.

Example. Have you ever been in a car accident? Even a little fender bender? If you have, what happened during that time? Did your heart rate go up? Breathing get fast and shallow? Did you sweat?

Now, just imagine lying in bed at night thinking about your finances and wondering if the stock market might crash. Does your heart rate go up, breathing get shallow, do you sweat?  See, just the thought of something going wrong puts your body into fear mode, even if it’s not real. That is the power of the mind.

It doesn’t know the difference between a real threat and just thinking about a possible threat in the future. 

Here’s an important note on the difference between real fear and imagined fear.

REAL fear doesn’t think and worry. It responds. When you’re in the moment and something bad happens you just act. You don’t “think” about it, you just do it. It’s almost like you don’t have time to be afraid because you don’t. This is why when you hear of someone being trapped under a car that’s burning then some 100 pound woman is able to pick up a car off a that person, they can. They don’t sit around and think, oh, I should grab the car by the front end, shit it over 2 feet and three inches, and that will take about 5 minutes. NO, they just go do it.

FALSE fear is worry. Worry that your choices could end in disaster and you’ll end up homeless at the bottom of a ditch under a bridge. Is it possible? Sure. Likely? Not really.

What does this have to do with making decisions?

Well, if your brain is worried about all the things that could happen in the future and could go wrong, it will tell you no you shouldn’t do that. You must stay safe.

Of course a million things could go wrong and not work out. And if a million things went wrong and you do end up in a ditch, you are one resourceful human being. Most of us are. You will make a plan to get out of that ditch and move forward. 

On the flip side, a million things could go right and work out really well. But you don’t know. No one knows.

Here’s the best news in all of this.

No matter what decisions you make and what directions you go in, at any point along the way, you can change your mind.

Yep. YOU can change your mind. You are in charge of your mind, even if it doesn’t seem like it. If you’re not, you need to be.

The people that have regrets are the people that didn’t go after what they wanted, not the people that chose to move 5000 miles for love. Yes, it might now work out, but they at least gave it a try. 

When you don’t try, you give up all possibility that you might get what you want. 

Please share if you know just the perfect person who needs this.

~ Susan

Do you feel stuck and confused about what you want your next step in life to be? I've got answers. Grab 4 Surprisingly Natural Steps to Discover Your True Desires to get clear on your own answers for that question. 

Image by Pixabay, with permission.

Helping You Get What You Want Out Of Life

 

Do You Sometimes Feel Like A Fraud?

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I love being a life coach serving and inspiring awesome women to figure out what’s next for them, especially when they are at a place in their lives where the feel stuck or lost and don’t know what that next step is. When they are thinking about following a dream, passion, or just an idea that sounds like fun I often hear them say in different ways, I couldn’t do that, “I feel like a fraud”. 

I cringe a little when I hear this. It’s super common among women to feel this way. But it stops us from going for our dreams, goals, and desires. 

When we feel like a fraud it’s because of thoughts we are thinking about ourselves, not actual facts about what we’ve accomplished in life. Thoughts are just words that come into our brain and then leave again. Often we believe those words as truth whether they are or not. Things like, “I need another degree to go after my dreams”, or “I’ve not accomplished anything in my life”. 

Facts, on the other hand, can be proven in a court of law. Things like, you  have a BS in a certain field, or you’ve raised 3 kids to adulthood.

What happens when we feel like a fraud is that we don’t separate our thoughts from the facts in our lives. We just believe those thoughts and not the facts. 

So, I’m stealing a fun little exercise from a mentor life coach of mine named, Susan Hyatt. She’s a rockstar in the coaching field and is as down to earth as they get. 

Grab your computer. Or get a piece of paper and a pen.

At the top of the page, write down:

“Sometimes I feel like a fraud.”

Below that, please write:

“However, this isn’t true. I am not a fraud. In fact, I am very qualified because…”

And then write down the facts about what you’ve done in the past… the facts about what you’ve achieved… the facts about the training you’ve gotten… about your credentials… your victories… your wins… make a list of the facts. Remember, facts can be backed with evidence and proven in a court of law.

After doing this exercise you can see how your thoughts about something in your life differ from actual facts about that same thing. 

This is how you can start going after your goals, dreams, and desires. You separate the truth from the non-truth and can see right in front of you the thoughts you have (which are creating your feelings) and keeping you stuck.

Ditch the crappy thoughts.

Trust the facts.

Please share if you know just the perfect person who needs this.

~ Susan

Helping You Get What You Want Out Of Life

Image by Pixabay with permission.

 

Getting Your Mind Out of the Way

Getting your mind out of the way is no easy feat. People have spent countless lifetimes trying to figure out how to get their minds to calm down and quiet so that stress and worry can be overcome. Our minds are amazing and we do really need them because they are smart. But they should never ever be allowed to drive the train of your life. Because as smart as your mind is, one of the jobs it has is to keep you safe. Safe from what? Every little thing you can think of. Snakes, car accidents, losing all your money, being homeless, speaking to an audience…

Your mind sees a lot of things as a threat to its wellbeing, its very existence even. And it’s not a bad thing to be safe. And alive. But here’s why your mind sounds an alarm when you want to try something new. Because it doesn’t know the outcome. And in order to feel safe it needs to know that the outcome will keep it so. That’s it. Your mind wants to know that it’s going to be okay.

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Let’s put it this way. I don’t have children but this example will help me explain. Say your child wants to play on the playground, swing on the swing, and go down the slide. You’re happy and excited for them but you want them to be safe, to not get hurt. Normal right? Of course. But your child needs to explore to learn and grow.

You are your mind’s child. For if you get hurt, so does your mind. So your mind will give you every excuse in the book as to why you shouldn’t go on that adventure, take a new job, or try a new sport. Since it doesn’t know if you will be okay, it doesn’t know if it will be okay.

And that keeps many of us stuck. Not doing things we feel might be interesting, or fun, or different. Because the outcome is not certain enough for our minds to be comfortable. We might fail. And holy cow, you know what your mind tells you when you’ve failed at something. It’s not pretty.

But here’s the thing. Since you are not your mind, and you as that separate entity know when you are thinking certain thoughts, you get to override it any time you’d like. I suggest you override it regularly. How do you know if you should override what your mind is telling you? If whatever thing you feel like doing gives you the physical feeling of expansion, excitement, and fun, override your mind and go do it. I’m not saying you have to go all in on whatever you’re wanting to try. Of course you could, but you could also just dip your toe in the water.

Not sure if you want to buy all that backpacking gear and have it for life, borrow some and go with some friends for a few nights to see if you really like it. Or take one painting class to see if it’s as fun as you think it seems it will be. Spend a week in a town you’re thinking about moving to before you sell your house and cross the country with all your belongings.

And why this is so awesome is that it’s a win-win for both your mind and your heart and soul. Your mind can feel safe that you aren’t jumping from an airplane without a parachute from 3000 feet up and your heart gets to indulge in its curiosity of something new and different. This is how you learn and grow.

That is how you can get your mind out of the way. It's not so much that you kick it out of the train while you’re driving along, it’s more that you bring it along for the ride, remind it that it gets to be with you, you’re going to keep it as safe as you can, and that no matter what, both of you will be okay.

And isn’t that what we all want, to feel safe, secure, and know that we’re going to be okay? You can do that for your mind. Even if you try something and it doesn’t go as planned or how you hoped, you don’t have to try it again if you don’t want to. No big catastrophe.

Sometimes things do go wrong. At least according to your mind. And that’s part of life my friends. But think about all the things that your mind thought went wrong in the past and notice that when that happened you dealt with it. Because that’s what we do. We deal with what happens on a daily basis.

So go enjoy something new and take your mind with you. Just don’t let it drive your train. I can assure you, you will never leave the train station if you do.

Leave a comment on the blog below if you’d like.

If you think, “I know one friend who would really like this”, please forward it to them.

If you found this helpful, let me know. I’d love to hear from you, susan@susancarrollcoaching.com

~ Susan

your true life (know it, feel it, live it)