If you'd like to hear the audio version of this blog, click here. So what is a BE’er compared to a DO’er? I’ve been pondering this lately because of my own experience. More on that later.
BE’ers are better at relaxing, going with the flow, pondering, letting things percolate, not hurrying or rushing.
They don’t see a need to be “doing something” all the time. In fact, doing something just to be busy is stressful for BE’ers. The upside is BE’ers are fairly happy people. The downside is BE’ers sometimes take a long time to get things done. They don’t see a hurry to finish something in order to move on to the next thing. Some things just don’t get done. That can be stressful for BE’ers.
DO’ers on the other hand have some opposite traits.
If they sit still for more than 10 seconds, they get antsy. Their mind always whizzes at 1000 mph with everything on their “to-do” list, trying to get it all done, and then some. The idea of a massage, pedicure, or a nap sounds fabulous, but only when the “to-do” list is done. Which is never, by the way. The upside is that DO’ers do get a lot done. The downside is they’re exhausted, depleted, stressed, and can’t keep up that pace indefinitely.
The common thread for both is stress.
Stress in BE’ing too much and stress in DO’ing too much.
I’ve recognized this stress due to my own experiences. I used to be more of a DO’er. Go, go, go. Get this done, done, done. Then I would rest. The message I learned growing up was you get to rest and play after the work is done. Which I followed diligently. And how’d that work for me? It didn’t. Things got done but I felt depleted and tired. And not in the good way when you put your heart and soul into something and are exhausted but fulfilled. No, I felt empty. And there were still things to do.
Then I rallied against the DO’er mentality and switched camps for a while. I became a BE’er. After DO’ing for so much of my life, it felt glorious. Relaxing and not fretting about getting everything done on my “to-do” list everyday was awesome for a while. My brain wasn’t continually spinning about what I had to do next.
Except, I found that I was BE’ing too much. I wasn’t stimulated enough. I actually wanted to be more of a DO’er. Not just busy stuff DO’ing, but meaningful, heart-felt DO’ing.
I can now say I know what it feels like to burn the candle at both ends and to just hang out and watch one candle burn at the other end. And here’s what I found.
Either extreme doesn’t work.
When you are at one end, you want to be at the other.
I like to be somewhere in the middle. Not square center middle, but somewhere where I flow. I’m a DO’er as much as my own personal energy and excitement carry me to do. I’m a BE’er when I need to sit back, relax, and take time.
I’ve got to know myself in order to do that. I’ve got to listen to my body physically to know when it’s got the energy to DO or needs to BE and rest. I’ve got to know if I’m saying yes to do something that I really truly want to do or because I think I “should”. I can tell you from experience, when you say yes to something and really want to say no, you will drain your energy and feel depleted. Many of my clients have experienced this as well.
You’ve got to know you. Your own perfect balance of BE’ing and DO’ing will not be like anyone else’s. And it shouldn’t be because it’s yours.
Is your BE’ing self and DO’ing self aligned with your energy and balanced in a way that works for you? If not, give me a call. I can help.
Your Turn: Do you have some great tips for Be'ing or DO'ing more effectively? Sharing helps us all. Leave a comment below, or email me, firstname.lastname@example.org
I am grateful to be able to spend some time with you virtually today. Thank you.
As always, take from here what works for you, share with your friends if you think they might benefit, and the rest you can leave behind.
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