Softening Around the Edges

We have lived in a masculine world for many centuries. It wasn’t always this way. There was a time when feminine energy was the stronger force on the planet. We live in a time where slowly, ever so slowly, the pendulum is shifting in a feminine direction. Masculine (yang) energy includes traits like drive, independence, aggression, directness, logic, arrogance, competitiveness, less emotion, reactivity, and confidence.

Feminine (yin) energy includes traits like empathy, expression, honesty, sensitivity, love, kindness, relaxing, and nurturing.

Susan Grace Carroll, Life Coach, Bend, OR

We possess both feminine and masculine traits, regardless of gender, and most of us tend to be more of one than the other. Both parts need to be expressed to live a balanced life.

We don’t want the pendulum to swing too far towards the feminine because then we’ll be out of balance again. What I love about women taking a stand more and more for what they believe in and being heard is that their words and actions come from a place of clarity, caring, awareness, and mindfulness. They are not rushing in to make drastic quick changes that masculine energy would do. No, they are slowly, patiently pushing for the changes that will bring more unity, peace, and prosperity to a world that is desperately in need of all of the above.

I too was raised in a world, a family, that felt more masculine than feminine. I have spent (and continue to spend) time looking at ways I show up in my life for myself and other people. Am I balancing those two vital parts of myself? I think I still often lean towards the masculine. It has been ingrained in me from an early age. But as my own life experience has shown me time and time again, that masculine push and drive places me in a place of familiarity (my go to) because I’m so used to it, but at the same time it feels uncomfortable, like I’m trying to be someone I’m not. My husband and I have been working on an issue in our marriage. All relationships have issues (no?). But it wasn’t until I stepped back and noticed how masculine I was acting that I realized we weren’t going to get anywhere in moving toward the same direction together. I needed to soften around my edges and notice what feminine qualities of mine needed to come into play. Already there is a sense of relief and relaxation in allowing that part of me to just be there. I had to soften. My edges were too sharp, cutting, and painful. I think for both he and I.

Are you more yin or yang? What qualities do you need to bring in and which ones do you need to decrease?

Leave a comment on the blog below if you’d like.

If you think, “I know one friend who would really like this”, please forward it to them.

If you found this helpful, let me know. I’d love to hear from you. Coachwithsusan@hotmail.com.

~ Susan

Get Outside and Nurture Your Life

Taking Your Wise Self with You into the New Year

Take a moment to think about where you were and who you were 5 years ago. Now take another minute to think about where and who you were just one year ago.

Fast forward to today as we approach a brand new year.

Can you see your personal growth? Can you see how much you’ve learned over time? Can you see how much WISER you are now? Great_horned_owl_face

Day after day after week after month after year, we are constantly going through change. Whether it is a choice we make about a job, a shift we make in a relationship, or possibly when a loss has hit us and it’s out of our control. With each new change, if you are willing to look at how you show up and who you are through it all, you’ll notice patterns. When this happens, this is how I react. When that happens, this is how I treat others. When I’m stressed, this is how I treat myself. There is huge opportunity for growth in noticing how we operate. What works. And, what doesn’t.

It’s quite fascinating really, to be a scientist of your own life. To really look at your actions and behaviors with various people and during all sorts of situations.

With this new year approaching, many of us make plans and goals for all the things we’d like to change to make the new year “better”.

I think one of the huge components of creating a better and/or different 2015 is to take all that you’ve learned over time and bring your wiser self with you.

As my mentor Martha Beck reminds us in her book Finding Your Own North Star; “the cycle of change we all go through repeatedly during life follows a circular course but it isn’t a flat circle. In 3 dimensions, it would be shaped like a corkscrew. Every time you go around the cycle, you move forward a notch, becoming more confident, capable, and wise”.

That’s the person you want to think about as you enter a new year. That part of you who has learned so much over time. That part of you who has already made changes in your patterns and shows up in the world in a different way to create a different experience. That part of you who has let go of what no longer serves you. That part who takes what they’ve learned and makes positive changes for their life from that place.

If you ever wonder if you are more wise, just spend some time thinking about your younger self and the choices you made back then. I’m betting you made those choices based on who you were then and what you knew then. You are still that person now, and so much more.

Move into this new year with the strength and courage of the person you have become over time. You have more knowledge, experience, and wisdom. You do.

And that wisdom; it can make all the difference.

Look out 2015- Here you come!

Leave a comment on the blog below, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com.

If this struck you and you think, “I know one friend who would really like this”. Please forward it to them.

If you found this helpful, let me know. I’d love to  hear from you.

susan small sig 05:14

Get Outside and Nurture Your Life

Wisdom from those who have gone

I’ve just returned from three quick days in FL, where I buried both my grandmother and mother. My grandmother passed away last week at the ripe old age of 94. My mother passed away, gaining her angel wings, almost 7 years ago at the far too young age of fifty-eight. It was decided back then we’d have a dual service when my grandmother got hers. two angels

The day of the service was gorgeous. Sunny, blue skies, and over 60 degrees. I’m sure those two planned it that way. It had rained the several days prior.

When our loved ones are still living, we don’t often think about what they’ve brought to our lives, or the impact they’ve had. It’s not until they have gone that we reflect and discover the full meaning of what we’ve learned about life from them, and how they have affected us.

The greatest thing I learned from my mother was kindness. She not only told me how important it was to be kind, she showed it through her words and actions. Both personally and professionally. I’m always amazed how just a little kindness can go so very far.

From my grandmother I learned strength. She endured a lot of adversity in her life but faced it strongly. Both internally and externally. If something bothered her, you never knew it. Even when times were hard, she would just keep on moving forward. It reminds me that I am stronger than I might otherwise think I am.

Who knows if those are the legacies they meant to leave behind. Maybe it was conscious for them, maybe not. But that is what I have learned from the two of them. Kindness and Strength.

I am so grateful and fortunate to have had such a loving, kind mother, and a caring, strong grandmother.

And I have the wisdom they’ve imparted to me as I move forward in my own life.

Take a few moments and think about important people in your life who are no longer living and what you learned about life from them. Does their wisdom guide you?

Leave a comment on the blog below, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com.

If this struck you and you think, “I know one friend who would really like this”. Please forward it to them.

If you found this helpful, let me know. I’d love to  hear from you.

susan small sig 05:14

Get Outside and Nurture Your Life