A few years back, a good friend of mine lost her entire house, basically everything she owned, and one of her dogs, in a house fire. Recently she shared with me a little bit about that time in her life. She said, “moving forward seemed impossible, but going back was impossible.” This is how I’ve felt in the last month since losing my dog child Kona. I want so much to turn the clock back and have my happy, healthy, furry kid again. Since I can’t do that, I’m trying to move forward. Albeit reluctantly.
Maybe you’ve been here before. Something major, even earth shattering, happened in your life that you didn’t see coming. Your new normal A- doesn’t feel normal at all, and B- feels really sucky. Then C- you wonder if your life will ever feel great again. You hope it will but you aren’t really sure.
I decided to share the experience I’m going through at this time in hopes that something might resonate for you either now, or in the future.
I’m in the middle of this grief journey. It’s H-A-R-D.
I’m a life coach. That means I have a ton of tools in my toolbox to help both me and my clients with all sorts of situations in life. You don’t often hear how life coaches deal with the really hard times. I’ve found that the best tool I have in my toolbox right now is straight up surrender.
Surrender to what’s happening. Surrender to my new reality. Surrender to the process of grieving and all its stages. Surrender to the hard and sad parts. It ebbs and flows through me during the day. I just let it do its thing. This means I cry. In the grocery store, while walking my other dog, at home, in the car, in front of people, by myself…
I’m melting really. Kind of like the Wicked Witch of the West when she gets trapped under the house in the Wizard of Oz and melts away. That’s what’s happening to me. But what’s melting away is my ego. That part of me that plans and plans and plans. That part that makes decisions about what’s coming up in my life and how it’s going to look down the road. That part that’s trying to keep it all together.
Into a million pieces.
When the rug gets pulled out from underneath you, you can hit the floor pretty hard. I did.
How losing a dog could create such havoc in my inner world is beyond comprehension. But I get it because it goes beyond the intellectual. It’s just pure love. There are no words for that and it needs no explanation.
There’s that quote that says “if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.” It’s almost a bad thing in our culture to not know where you’re going, have big goals, or have a plan to get you to those goals. I’m completely questioning that. It’s we humans who feel the need to have a plan. But life happens when you’re making other plans. So I’ve decided to not plan, to just let the wind blow me around and see what shows up.
It doesn’t mean I sit around and do nothing all day. I’ve found I worry less, I don’t care about things as much, and I let go of expectations of others and myself. It’s kind of freeing actually.
I’ve known all along the universe is more in charge of my life than I am. I just think I’m in control. Ha! But looking back, it has supported me fully, my entire life. With or without my input.
It’s really nice to let the universe show me where to go for a change. It takes the pressure off. So I’ll follow its lead. I actually think I’ll have an even more interesting and fun life moving forward by allowing it to take me towards new adventures I might never have planned on my own.
So when life throws you lemons and you don’t feel like making lemonade, don’t. Try surrendering to, and allowing the process you’re in, to unfold naturally.
You might just find the universe will make you some really yummy lemonade, all without your help.
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