How to get through the doldrums

As promised, here is an actual issue one of the Bloom Time Newsletter readers asked that I address in my blog. If you'd like to receive your own free newsletter weekly on Saturday mornings with practical and inspirational tips for life, sign up on the right and you'll receive a free ebook, Spring Your Life Forward: 4 Tips for creating change toward what you want.. and away from what you don't. Now, back to the reader. She wants to know how to get through the doldrums.    woman with doldrums

A little back-story. This is a woman who has made some major changes in her life in the past year. I’ll call her Sara (not her real name). Sara recognized she was living a life that wasn’t working for her anymore. She left a long-term relationship that wasn’t right, moved to a different state, and bought a house for the first time ever in her life. This woman is courageous… with a capital C.

So many of the negative stressors she had in the past are gone from her life. She’s created a new life, but now she feels flat and isn’t sure what to do about it.

First off, this is a completely normal feeling to have. Sometimes we make these big transitions in life and are so busy making them and getting through them, we don’t think about what happens after the storm and the seas of life are calm. It’s a weird place to be when you aren’t used to it. If your normal day-to-day life is full of transition for a while, then when that transition is complete, you’re in un-chartered territory and bit lost. Often when we’re lost we feel flat.

My advice to Sara is to feel the flatness. Be with it. Stay with it. Notice how it shows up in her body physically. Discover how flat shows up when she’s by herself and when she’s with other people.

Starting over in a new place with new people and lifestyle is challenging. For anyone.

It takes time to settle into a new home, with different surroundings, nature, and a new way of living so different from the old. By spending some quality time with feeling flat, over time Sara will start to notice what’s missing in her life. Then she can slowly add new people or experiences that feel right. Or she might just need to get comfortable with a new and different reality without changing a thing.

We tend to see the doldrums as bad. If they lasted for a decade, then yes, I’d say there was a problem. Really engaging with the doldrums and being curious about the phase she is in, is about experiencing life fully. Experiencing both the positive and negative aspects. The negative stuff isn’t meant to be pushed away. It’s meant to be experienced too. We’ve been taught that we’re supposed to feel happy all the time and if we don’t feel awesome 24/7, then our life isn’t good or something is wrong. So not true. We have to have the contrast of the not so good to know what the good feels like.

As she slowly starts to get to know her new town, the people in it, and her natural surroundings, new relationships will form, new experiences will be had and she’ll eventually ease back out of the doldrums.

So settle in Sara. Take the doldrums ride. What we resist persists. Don’t resist it.

Do you have thoughts about getting through the doldrums?  Join the conversation on the blog by leaving a comment below, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com

I am grateful to be able to spend some time with you virtually today. Thank you.

As always, take from here what works for you, share with your friends if you think they might benefit, and the rest you can leave behind.

Bloom On!