If you'd like to hear the audio version of this blog, click here. It’s time for 2012 to come to a close and 2013 to begin. Many of us make resolutions to, ‘once and for all’, make that one lasting change in our lives. I’m going to spend more time doing this, or spend less money on that, you say. A lot of people have stopped making resolutions because they never stick to them anyway.
A resolution, according to one online source, is defined as finding a solution to, or a firm determination to do something.
Maybe that’s the problem. Determination and willpower alone don’t bring permanent results. It’s like a form of self-bullying. I must fix this problem. Then if we don’t, we make ourselves feel bad when we can’t stick to that resolution for more than a week. Beating ourselves into submission doesn’t work long-term. Never has, never will.
I think maybe we need to look deeper into the reasons we make resolutions in the first place. Then we might find better ways of going about the change process.
It’s important to start with your intention for your resolution. I’m going to use a common example that many people resolve to do. They resolve to lose weight. So if this is your issue, great, if not, you can still ask the same questions for an issue you’ve picked. So you want to lose weight. Your intention for losing weight is?
Now really think about this. What do you think losing weight is going to get you? The ability to fit into smaller clothes, appreciation by others, better health? What are you looking to gain by losing that weight? No wrong answers here. No judgment allowed. But be clear on what it is you want to get out of it.
The next question to ask yourself is why? Why do you want to lose that weight? So maybe your intention to lose weight is so that you’ll be appreciated by a significant other. Why do you want to be appreciated by them? Now this may sound like a stupid question, because, who doesn’t want to be appreciated by someone, but stay with me.
Your why will be a feeling, an emotion. Because when that person appreciates me, I feel like a million bucks, or I feel loved, or I feel attractive. See how this works? What you are going after when you want something is the feeling state of what you think having it will give you. And you think you need to have that thing to have that feeling state. Like, if you get A, you will feel B. B could be calm, love, confident, or secure.
But you don’t need A to feel B, You just think you do. You can actually choose to feel B anytime you want. You are in charge of that.
You can feel more calm by taking three deep breathes, feel more love by giving someone a hug, feel more financially secure by paying a bill or moving more money to savings, feel more confident by remembering when you’ve done something well.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t make changes in our lives. I’m a life coach. I help people do exactly that. However, it’s important to really look at what you want and why you want it. Coming from that deeper place when wanting to make changes will allow you have a more personal, compelling reason for wanting the change. Knowing what it is you want to feel will be a much more motivating and driving force to help you stick to a resolution.
When your desire is wrapped up completely in the outcome, you will lose every time. The outcome is a feeling state. If you want others to appreciate you, practice appreciating yourself first. Honestly, we cannot control how and when others will appreciate us but you can appreciate them and you can appreciate you. When you do that, I can tell you, that it is one of the keys to losing weight. When you appreciate your body, you treat it differently, feed it differently, talk to it in a loving way, exercise it in a way that feels good and fun, the weight has no where to go but off.
I invite you to revamp your change process, and let me know how it goes in the new year.
Bring on 2013!
Your Turn: I'd love to hear about any changes you're planning on making in 2013. Leave a comment below, or email me, firstname.lastname@example.org
I am grateful to be able to spend some time with you virtually today. Thank you.
As always, take from here what works for you, share with your friends if you think they might benefit, and the rest you can leave behind.
Seeds of Kindness Bloom and Bloom and Bloom…