feelings

Are You Running from Your Emotions?

Why do you run from certain emotions as fast and as far as you can? Because you’ve decided they don’t feel good. And if an emotion doesn’t feel good it can’t possible be good for you to feel. Right? Well, no!

I have to tell you, it has taken me a loooooong time to really understand this intellectually and believe it physically. But I totally get it now.

Susan Grace Carroll, Life Coach, Bend, OR

The emotions you have, like, anger, sadness, fear, joy, guilt, are there because of the thoughts you think about some circumstance, another person, or yourself. Without those thoughts you would not have an emotion. Your thoughts create your emotions. Period.

You can change your thoughts on purpose if you want to feel something different, but I’m not going to focus on that today.

Today I’m focusing on actually physically feeling those emotion states, those words you have in your mind for emotions.

Your emotions can be felt physically, as sensations or vibrations in the body.

Let’s work through an example.

Think about the last time you were angry. What was happening in your life? Now, I want you to close your eyes and hold that situation in your minds eye. Then I want you to do a body scan. From the tips of your toes to the top of your head.

I want you to notice and be curious about the physical sensations that show up in your body that go with this emotion of anger.

Where do you feel it? How does it show up? Does it have a size? A color? Does it hum or buzz? Does it tighten areas or loosen them up?

What I want you to understand and practice is that when you feel your emotions physically you get to practice living with them and through them. When you fully give yourself to sitting with the vibration of feeling them then you know that even though sometimes they aren’t comfortable, they will pass. You’re afraid of them because you think you will feel horrible and stay feeling icky all day, or maybe forever. But that isn’t what happens.

Your power lies in feeling those emotions.

When you are willing to feel your emotions physically (All of them), then you know you can do it. There is nothing to be afraid of because if you can feel happiness, anger, fear, panic, and know that you can live through them, then they have no power over you. When you feel them with curiosity and without judging them for being there, they pass through and move on. It’s just a form of energy that wants to move.

When you know you can survive your emotions, then you know you can survive anything. Then you have nothing to run from or hide from.

And as one of my favorite teachers in the coaching world says, you will be willing to show up in the world in a way that most people are unwilling to do which means you probably have a life that most people are unwilling to create for themselves. And that my friends are sage advice.

So tell me, what one emotion do you hate feeling or are afraid to feel? And are you willing to feel it today? Set a timer for 90 seconds and go. When the timer goes off, let it go and move forward with your day. You absolutely have that control.

Leave a comment on the blog below about your experience, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com.

If this struck you and you think, “I know one friend who would really like this”. Please forward it to them.

If you found this helpful, let me know. I’d love to hear from you.

susan small sig 05:14

Get Outside and Nurture Your Life

Give Yourself Permission To...

I was hiking with a friend a few months ago and she was upset about something going on in her life. She spent a long time talking about it and then she looked up at me and said, “I’m sorry I’m taking your time to vent about what’s happening.” I asked her if she had given herself the permission to vent when she was alone. She said no, she hadn’t. I asked why not? She said she didn’t want to dwell on it. I got what she was saying. In her mind, if she spent time venting about what wash happening in her life, whether it be with herself, or others, she was just going to stay stuck in that negativity and never move forward. And yep, that can happen. Staying mired in what’s going on can suck you down further and further into the ick and that’s where you stay. And that isn’t healthy.

But what she wasn’t doing was actually giving herself the time and space, the permission, to conscientiously work through what was happening. To have her emotions and really feel them. To talk about with trusted, supportive others, what was really going on under the surface. The second I invited her to give herself permission to feel it all, she sighed a deep long breath.

permission granted

It’s amazing what we don’t and won’t give ourselves permission to be, think, feel, or do. It’s almost like we’re waiting to open up the newspaper to a headline that says, Good Morning (Insert your name here)! Today you have permission to… (insert your thing here). Like permission has to come from outside of ourselves if it’s truly allowed.

For many of us, this stems from long held family beliefs about permission, what was acceptable, and what wasn’t.

Now is the time to break out of that hold if its got you.

The only permission you need is the one that comes from you. You are the one with the power to grant it. So grant it to yourself.

What do you want permission to think, be, feel, or do today?

Give it and relax.

And from now on, please don’t ask anyone else. It’s not their decision to make.

If you’d like, Leave a comment on the blog below, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com.

If this struck you and you think, “I know one friend who would really like this”. Please forward it to them.

If you found this helpful, let me know. I’d love to  hear from you.

susan small sig 05:14

Get Outside and Nurture Your Life

The Nurturing of Your Emotions

Happy, mad, sad, fear, shame, guilt, joy, disappointment, hurt, elation, gratitude, hate, peace… They are all emotions. And of course, there are a million more. emotion faces

When you look at the list above how many of those emotions are you comfortable feeling?

All of them? Some of them? The “good” ones?

Here’s something important you need to know.

They are all good to feel.

Why?

Because emotions are just information for you.

They let you know what is happening in your life right now and how you think, and therefore feel about it.

Last week I spoke on how your thoughts about a circumstance/fact in your life create how you feel, what emotion you have. They do. And you can change your thoughts, therefore your feelings, any time you’d like. If you missed it and want to read it, here it is.

What is also really important is to actually “feel” the emotions that come up for you. Emotions aren’t just felt intellectually, they ‘re felt physically as well. And you really should feel them. All of them. So often we stuff the ones that don’t feel good because we think that will make them go away. Then all will be right in the world. Wrong.

Because that is how they are processed, moved through the body. Then that energy dissipates, and you can move forward with your day. You know that emotions are just a form of energy right? If that energy isn’t allowed to move through, it can get trapped inside and cause all kinds of physical symptoms and ailments.

 

Here’s an example of feeling your emotions physically.

Many of you know I lost my dog child Kona about 5 months ago. I went through a very intense grieving process for a few months. That grieving process continues. Here’s what it looks like.

I’ll sometimes be outside taking our other dog Elvis for a walk and a memory of Kona will pop up into my head. I can almost see him running ahead of me on the trail. The thought that comes into my head is “I miss him”. And guess what? The tears flow. Often heavily. And I let them. My chest tightens, my heart sinks, my shoulders sag, and my forehead scrunches up. That is feeling my emotion physically. I notice it in my body, I let it be there, and just feel what I’m feeling.

Then after a minute, maybe 2 max, the tears stop flowing, my body lightens up, and the emotion of sadness, that energy, has moved through and on.

That’s how you nurture your emotional side. You allow it, embrace it, you don’t run from it.

Here’s another reason to feel your emotions. Say you feel angry at someone or upset by something they said or did. When you don’t feel your emotions, physically and all the way through, your reaction to your emotions may cause you to say or do something to that other person out of hurt or anger.

When you actually allow yourself to feel what you are feeling when you get to the other side, there can be more peace and clarity, less stress. You choose to react from a place of calm instead of a place of anger and hurt. There’s a huge difference between those two places.

I invite you to make friends with all of your emotions. They can’t hurt you. They are just information to help guide your way.

Leave a comment on the blog below, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com.

If this struck you and you think, “I know one friend who would really like this”. Please forward it to them.

If you found this helpful, let me know. I’d love to  hear from you.

susan small sig 05:14

Get Outside and Nurture Your Life

 

Death CAN be a gift

My husband and I woke early one morning last week to watch the sunrise in Hilton Head. It was beautiful. Gray clouds on the horizon became peach, then pink, as the sun made it’s way higher into the sky.

We decided to walk down the beach while it was still the coolest part of the day. About 10 minutes down the sandy shore, we spotted a group of people gathered at the water’s edge.

As we got closer, I saw why they were there.

A pilot whale had beached itself and was lying on it’s side.   pilot whale hilton head

I instantly burst into tears. I was overcome with sadness in that moment.

A man standing there said the whale had been alive less than 30 minutes before we got there.

I instinctively walked up to it and placed my hand on it’s belly. It may sound crazy, but I was hoping to feel it’s heart beat. Hoping to find out he, or she, wasn’t dead. The whale felt a bit like rubber but since rigor mortis hadn’t set in, this amazing creature had a softness to it. I cried even more.

I have no idea why this whale died. Was it sick? Just it’s time?

What I do know is that being in presence of a 15 ft. long whale, even though it was no longer living, was a gift.

Death always reminds me of life. What’s important to me. Who’s important to me.

It helps me re-evaluate how I show up in the world every day. How I treat others. How I treat myself.

Am I living my life in union with what I tell others and myself is important?

I didn’t know this whale. He or she wasn’t even human. No matter, it’s life, and it’s death, was a gift.

A chance for me to see again, with eyes more clear.

Leave a comment on the blog below, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com.

If this struck you and you think, “I know one friend who would really like this”. Please forward it to them.

I love hearing from you.

susan small sig 05:14

Get Outside and Nurture Your Life

How to get through the doldrums

As promised, here is an actual issue one of the Bloom Time Newsletter readers asked that I address in my blog. If you'd like to receive your own free newsletter weekly on Saturday mornings with practical and inspirational tips for life, sign up on the right and you'll receive a free ebook, Spring Your Life Forward: 4 Tips for creating change toward what you want.. and away from what you don't. Now, back to the reader. She wants to know how to get through the doldrums.    woman with doldrums

A little back-story. This is a woman who has made some major changes in her life in the past year. I’ll call her Sara (not her real name). Sara recognized she was living a life that wasn’t working for her anymore. She left a long-term relationship that wasn’t right, moved to a different state, and bought a house for the first time ever in her life. This woman is courageous… with a capital C.

So many of the negative stressors she had in the past are gone from her life. She’s created a new life, but now she feels flat and isn’t sure what to do about it.

First off, this is a completely normal feeling to have. Sometimes we make these big transitions in life and are so busy making them and getting through them, we don’t think about what happens after the storm and the seas of life are calm. It’s a weird place to be when you aren’t used to it. If your normal day-to-day life is full of transition for a while, then when that transition is complete, you’re in un-chartered territory and bit lost. Often when we’re lost we feel flat.

My advice to Sara is to feel the flatness. Be with it. Stay with it. Notice how it shows up in her body physically. Discover how flat shows up when she’s by herself and when she’s with other people.

Starting over in a new place with new people and lifestyle is challenging. For anyone.

It takes time to settle into a new home, with different surroundings, nature, and a new way of living so different from the old. By spending some quality time with feeling flat, over time Sara will start to notice what’s missing in her life. Then she can slowly add new people or experiences that feel right. Or she might just need to get comfortable with a new and different reality without changing a thing.

We tend to see the doldrums as bad. If they lasted for a decade, then yes, I’d say there was a problem. Really engaging with the doldrums and being curious about the phase she is in, is about experiencing life fully. Experiencing both the positive and negative aspects. The negative stuff isn’t meant to be pushed away. It’s meant to be experienced too. We’ve been taught that we’re supposed to feel happy all the time and if we don’t feel awesome 24/7, then our life isn’t good or something is wrong. So not true. We have to have the contrast of the not so good to know what the good feels like.

As she slowly starts to get to know her new town, the people in it, and her natural surroundings, new relationships will form, new experiences will be had and she’ll eventually ease back out of the doldrums.

So settle in Sara. Take the doldrums ride. What we resist persists. Don’t resist it.

Do you have thoughts about getting through the doldrums?  Join the conversation on the blog by leaving a comment below, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com

I am grateful to be able to spend some time with you virtually today. Thank you.

As always, take from here what works for you, share with your friends if you think they might benefit, and the rest you can leave behind.

Bloom On!

 

Going with the flow

We have a little problem here in Fairbanks, Alaska. We are usually knee-deep in what we call break-up this time of year. The temperatures are above freezing during the day (and most nights), the snow is melting like gangbusters, we have daylight almost no matter what time you go to bed or get up, and we are leaving winter behind in the literal and metaphorical dust.  going with the flow Except the usual isn’t happening. We continue to have snowstorms and colder weather. We are so close to spring we can feel it with every fiber of our being but we keep being teased every few days with warmer sunshine and melting, followed by white, seriously distressing, frozen flakes falling from the sky.

It’s time to practice the “go with the flow” mentality. We’re past the grumbling stage. We’re past denial. Past sad. Past upset.

We’ve moved on to, get those skis back out and go for a spin, wow… all this snow means the ground will be more wet and provide beautiful grass and flowers this summer, and this could make for less forest fires this next season.

What we resist persists.

That’s not a new phrase but it’s true. The more we resist what is really happening, the more crappy we feel. And we can always choose how we feel at any given point by choosing what thoughts we think about the situation. Snow outside is just that. It’s snow. It isn’t good or bad. It’s neutral. It’s only good or bad based upon the judgment we place on it. To the person who absolutely loves to ski, the snow is still awesome. To the person who can’t wait to be in shorts  enjoying the green grass, the snow sucks.

Going with the flow means you have to be willing to drop your personal timeline.

Because most certainly, the weather will not often cooperate and follow the timeline you have for it. How could it? Everyone has their own perfect timeline for what the weather should be like on any given day of the year depending upon what that person would prefer to be doing and what weather they think would perfectly accompany that. Poor Mother Nature couldn’t keep up with that many different requests no matter how hard she tried.

Here’s why going with the flow can be so helpful.

Because when you drop your timeline for something to happen, your stress drops markedly. The stress comes from the fact that you want something to happen in a different time frame than it is. You’ve decided that isn’t good, therefore you feel crappy about it.

Think about it, there aren’t that many instances where time is crucial, I mean life and death crucial. Other than people needing to go to the hospital or being in surgery for example, it’s us who have decided that the natural flow of the way things occur isn’t right.

Be willing to drop some of your timeline for things in life and notice what happens to your stress level. It’s like riding a wave. Go up when it goes up, come down when it comes down, and you’ll never drown in the surf… or the snow :)

Are you willing to go with the flow and drop your timeline for some event in your life? Join the conversation on the blog by leaving a comment below, or email me, coachwithsusan@hotmail.com

I am grateful to be able to spend some time with you virtually today. Thank you.

As always, take from here what works for you, share with your friends if you think they might benefit, and the rest you can leave behind.

Bloom On!

Seeds of Kindness Bloom and Bloom and Bloom…