Working with a fun client recently, we touched on the topic of self worth. The whole internal/external validation thing came up. While that wasn’t the focus of our session that day, I’ve been pondering it since. We hear so much about the importance of validating ourselves, tooting our own horn, appreciating who we are, and how we uniquely share who we are with others, both personally and professionally. And I absolutely do believe that the voice in our heads that speaks to us on a regular basis about ourselves would be most healthy and helpful if it said kind things, was appreciative, was okay with not getting everything perfect (or even close to it), and allowed us to fall on our faces.
But we’re also very human.
I also think when we get validation from someone else it isn’t just wanted, it’s needed. It feels great to know we look amazing in a certain color, when we’re doing an awesome job with a project at work, or are appreciated when we do something for someone else.
It’s how we connect with others. It’s how we share our humanity in a positive way and respect what is unique about what we each bring to the table. Being validated by others is wonderful.
Now… if you solely rely on that external validation to make you feel good about you, then Houston, we do have a problem.
You might just be an approval addict. If this feels true for you (and you know if it does), the right therapist or life coach can absolutely help you with that.
It’s okay to appreciate when others tell you something good about you. Believe them. People usually say only positive things when they mean it. But let that be the icing on your own self worth cake.
And remember that you are wonderful. Valuable. Worthwhile. Lovable. Not because others think so. Self worth comes from only one place.
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